(#22)

1. Wash: “Everything looks good from here… (beat…playing with plastic dinosaurs over his console) Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will thrive.”
(as Stegosaurus) “We will rule over all this land, and we will call it… ‘This Land’.”
(as T-Rex) “I think we should call it…your grave!”
(Stegosaurus) “Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!”
(T-Rex) “Ha ha HA! Mine is an evil laugh…now die!”

2. Book: “I brought you some supper but if you’d prefer a lecture, I’ve a few very catchy ones prepped…sin and hellfire… one has lepers.”

3. Jayne: “Do you know what the chain of command is here? It’s the chain I go get and beat you with to show you who’s in command.”

4. Zoe: “Proximity alert. Must be coming up on something.”
Wash: (alarmed) “Oh my god. What can it be? We’re all doomed! Who’s flying this thing!?” (deadpan) “Oh right, that would be me. Back to work.”

5. Alliance Commander: “Seems odd you’d name your ship after a battle you were on the wrong side of.”
Mal: “May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.”

6. Kaylee: (pointing to a pink frilly dress) “Say, look at the fluffy one!”
Zoe: “Too much foofaraw. If I’m going to wear a dress, I’d want something with some slink.”
Wash: “You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?”
Jayne: “I’ll chip in.”
Zoe: (to Jayne) “I can hurt you.”

7. Mal: “Sure. It would be humiliating. Having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. (lightly stabs Atherton with the sword) Guess I’m just a good man. (stabs him again) Well, I’m all right.”

8. Jayne: (mock reading Simon’s journal) “Dear Diary…today I was pompous and my sister was crazy.” (flips page) “Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever.”

9. Mal: “Cut her down.”
Villager: “The girl is a witch.”
Mal: “Yeah, but she’s our witch-” (cocks gun, points it at him) “-so cut her the hell down.”

10. Simon: “So finally…a decent wound on this ship, and I miss out. I’m sorry.”
Mal: “Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.”

11. Inara: “So, explain to me again why Zoe wasn’t in the dress?”
Mal: “Tactics, woman! Needed her in the back. ‘Sides, them soft cotton dresses feel kind of nice. There’s a whole airflow.”
Inara: “And you would know that because…?”
Mal: “You can’t open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, I’m a mystery.”
Inara: “Best keep it that way. I withdraw the question.”

12. River: “Also? I can kill you with my brain.”

13. Book: “Yes, I’d forgotten you’re moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?”
Simon: “No. But I’m thinking about growing a big black mustache. I’m a traditionalist.”

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