Thirteen Resolutions I Won’t Be Making for 2009


1. To build a particle collider in my basement.
2. To construct my own light saber.
3. To fold time and space with my washing machine.
4. To use that extra leap second for saving the cheerleader.
5. To leap tall buildings in a single bound.
6. To outfit my car with a flux capacitor.
7. To not get all caught up in Battlestar Galactica again.
8. To beat my five year old at Wii Bowling.
9. To worry that Steve Jobs will take the big dirt nap.
10. To ignore Brangelina (because it’s impossible).
11. To cease blaming Bill Gates for everything wrong with Microsoft products.
12. To stop watching the Big Bang Theory
13. To stop thinking the new Capt. Kirk is hotter than the old Capt. Kirk.

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